7 Myths About Legal Separation That Could Cost You Thousands

When marriages struggle, misinformation can be as damaging as inaction. We've heard countless myths about legal separation from clients, misconceptions that have cost them money, protection, and peace of mind. Let's set the record straight.

Myth 1: "If We Live Separately, We're Legally Separated"

The Reality: Simply living in different households doesn't create a legal separation. You're still married in every legal sense, which means:

• All income remains marital property

• All debts remain joint responsibility

• All assets accumulated are subject to division

• There are no enforceable rules about custody, support, or finances

We've seen clients who lived separately for years, built successful businesses, advanced their careers, and saved substantial money, only to discover during divorce proceedings that everything they accumulated was still marital property subject to division.

Legal separation requires a formal, written agreement signed by both parties (ideally with legal representation). Without that agreement, you're just married people living at different addresses.

Myth 2: "Legal Separation Is Just Divorce Under a Different Name"

The Reality: Legal separation and divorce have crucial differences:

With legal separation, you remain legally married. You cannot remarry, you're still each other's next of kin, and in many cases, you can maintain shared health insurance.

With divorce, your marriage is legally dissolved. All legal ties are severed, and you're free to remarry.

Think of legal separation as structured breathing room within marriage, while divorce is the complete dissolution of the marriage itself.

Myth 3: "Legal Separation Means We're Giving Up on Our Marriage"

The Reality: For many couples, legal separation is exactly what saves their marriage or helps them make the right decision with clarity rather than chaos.

We've had clients who legally separated, gained much-needed space from daily conflict, worked on themselves individually, and eventually reconciled with stronger boundaries and renewed commitment.

We've also had clients who legally separated and realized that yes, divorce was the right choice, but they made that decision thoughtfully rather than in crisis mode.

Legal separation isn't giving up. It's creating structure so you can figure things out without constant conflict.

Myth 4: "We Can Just Write Our Own Agreement Without Lawyers"

The Reality: While it's technically possible to draft your own separation agreement, it's rarely advisable.

Family law is complex. A poorly drafted agreement might: - Miss crucial financial protections - Create unenforceable terms

- Omit important tax considerations

- Fail to address retirement accounts properly

- Leave gaps that cause problems later

- Be challenged in court because it doesn't meet legal standards

One client came to us with a DIY separation agreement they'd drafted together. It seemed fine on the surface, but it failed to address retirement account division, left health insurance terms vague, and didn't properly handle their jointly owned property. When they later decided to divorce, they had to relitigate everything, at tremendous cost.

Each spouse should have their own attorney review (or better yet, draft) any separation agreement. It's an investment that protects you from far more expensive problems down the road.

Myth 5: "Legal Separation Is More Expensive Than Divorce"

The Reality: Legal separation is often significantly less expensive than divorce, especially if you later convert your separation agreement into a divorce settlement.

Here's why:

Lower Conflict: People are often less combative about separation than divorce. The stakes feel different, emotions aren't quite as raw, and the finality isn't as scary. Lower conflict means less litigation, which means lower costs.

Do the Work Once: In New York, you can live under a separation agreement for one year, then convert it directly into a divorce settlement. You've already worked through custody, asset division, and support. The divorce becomes largely administrative, not adversarial.

Avoid Emergency Court: Without a separation agreement, disputes over custody, money, and property often require emergency court intervention. Those emergency motions? Expensive. A separation agreement prevents many of these crises.

We've had clients whose total legal costs for separation-then-divorce were $8,000 to $15,000, compared to friends whose litigated divorces cost $50,000 to $100,000 or more.

Myth 6: "If We Reconcile, the Separation Agreement Becomes a Problem"

If you've already separated informally, it's not too late. You can create a legal separation agreement at any point during your separation. Yes, it's more complicated now than it would have been initially, but it's far less complicated than dealing with the consequences of having no agreement at all.

If you're planning to separate, do it right from the start. Give yourself the protection, clarity, and peace of mind that only a legal agreement can provide.

Myth 7: "Legal Separation Is Only for People Who Want to Eventually Divorce"

The Reality: Many people use legal separation as a long-term or even permanent arrangement, never intending to divorce.

Reasons people choose permanent legal separation include:

Religious Beliefs: Their faith prohibits divorce, but they need to live separately for their wellbeing.

Health Insurance: One spouse has significant health needs and must remain on the other's insurance.

Financial Benefits: There may be tax advantages, Social Security benefits, or pension considerations that make remaining married financially superior.

Children: Some parents firmly believe in remaining legally married until children are grown, regardless of whether they live together.

Emotional Comfort: Some people simply aren't comfortable with the label or finality of "divorced," but they need the structure of legal separation.

Legal separation is a legitimate endpoint, not just a waystation to divorce.

The Real Cost of Believing These Myths

Beyond individual misconceptions, there's a meta-problem: people who believe these myths often take no action at all.

They live informally separated, thinking they're protected when they're not. They avoid legal consultation because they think it's too expensive or unnecessary. They assume good intentions and verbal agreements are enough.

Then something happens a financial crisis, a custody dispute, a new relationship, a death and the lack of a legal separation agreement becomes catastrophic.

The most expensive legal mistake isn't hiring an attorney too soon; it's hiring one too late.

What You Should Actually Know

Here are the facts:

Legal separation requires a formal, written agreement to have any legal effect.

Both parties should have their own legal representation to ensure the agreement is fair and enforceable.

Legal separation is different from divorce, but it can lead to divorce if that's what you eventually choose.

Legal separation protects you financially, legally, and emotionally during a time of transition.

The cost of a separation agreement is far less than the cost of emergency litigation or unprotected informal separation.

You don't have to have everything figured out to consult with an attorney. In fact, consulting early helps you figure things out.

Legal separation is flexible, it can lead to divorce, reconciliation, or permanent separation, depending on what works for you.

Emma’s Story: The Year She Stopped Believing the Myths

Emma used to think she was being smart by “keeping things simple.”

She and Jason had separated months before, and everything seemed… fine.

They had a verbal plan about the mortgage. A verbal plan about their child’s schedule. A verbal understanding about money.

And like so many New Yorkers just trying to get through the week, she convinced herself that “we don’t need to make it official yet” was a plan.

Until December hit.

End of year bonuses.

Open enrollment for health insurance.

A big career opportunity on the horizon.

The kind of month where life forces you to pay attention.

Emma received an unexpected holiday bonus, more than she had seen in years. She felt proud… until a coworker casually said, “Well at least it’s yours alone, since you’re separated.”

Emma froze.

She knew enough to know that this wasn’t true.

And suddenly, all the myths she had been leaning on didn’t feel comforting anymore, they felt dangerous.

That same week, she saw Jason post photos from a weekend trip she didn’t know he could afford.

And that’s when it hit her:

She was still legally tied to every financial choice he made, just as he was tied to hers.

That realization didn’t break her. It activated her.

A few days later, Emma realized she didn’t need another year of uncertainty.

She needed accuracy.

She needed boundaries.

She needed legal protection, not myths wrapped in hope.

When she sat down with Asia, the truth became painfully clear:

All the “we’ll figure it out later” promises

All the “it’s fine, we’re adults” assumptions

All the “we don’t need attorneys yet” logic, were myths that could cost her her business, her savings, her credit, and her stability.

But here’s the part that mattered:

Once Emma understood the facts, she finally had power.

Real power.

The kind that comes from clarity, not fear.

Asia helped her draft a legal separation agreement, one that protected her bonus, her retirement, her credit, her child’s schedule, and her sanity.

Emma realized she wasn’t late.

She wasn’t foolish.

She hadn’t “waited too long.”

She simply hadn’t known the truth and once she did, she moved.

Her empowerment didn’t come from separating.

It came from finally separating fact from fiction.

And for the first time since her marriage began to unravel, she felt secure, because she had replaced myths with protection.

Your Next Step

As we move through December and into a new year, don't let myths and misconceptions keep you stuck in an unhealthy situation or leave you financially vulnerable.

Schedule a consultation. Ask questions. Learn what legal separation actually is, how it works, and whether it's right for your situation.

You don't have to commit to anything in that first meeting. But you do need accurate information to make informed decisions about your future.

Stop believing myths. Start understanding your options.

Concerned you've been operating under misconceptions about legal separation? Let's talk. Schedule a consultation to get accurate, personalized guidance about your situation.

Stay Connected With Us

We love helping New Yorkers stay informed about love, law, and everything in between.

Follow ASJ Law Office on:

Instagram →@asjlawoffice

Facebook →ASJ Law Office

LinkedIn →ASJ Law Office

Youtube→ASJ Law Office

for monthly insights, tips, and conversations about family law, prenups, postnups, custody, and more.

Want to stay ahead?

Join our email newsletter for expert articles, case insights, and practical legal guidance delivered straight to your inbox each month.

Subscribe to Our Newsletter → Click Here

Disclaimer

The information provided on this blog is for general informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Reading this blog, submitting comments, or contacting ASJ Law Office through this website does not create an attorney–client relationship.

While we make every effort to ensure the accuracy and timeliness of the information shared, laws and regulations change frequently, and the applicability of legal principles can vary depending on individual circumstances. For advice specific to your situation, you should consult directly with a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction.

Any references to past results, client stories, or case examples are illustrative only and do not guarantee a similar outcome. Names and identifying details may be changed to protect client confidentiality.

© ASJ Law Office. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this material is prohibited.